Hello dear readers,
Have you noticed how w’ere not talking about sadness? Well, that’s exactly what ‘m going to talk about today. When do we feel it? Do we ALL feel it? What can we do with it?
Just when we thought we were coming out the other side of lockdown………. I know we were all hoping and working towards community safety and the lifting of more restrictions. Instead, we are right back in it, even deeper it seems. I sense a kind of bewilderment around Melbourne as to how we could slip backwards.
In the meantime, there has been such a range of emotions experienced by us all during this very unusual year. I’ve been hearing about fear, insecurity, pain, sickness, loneliness, anxiety, even anger.
What about sadness? It’s a difficult emotion to deal with and talk about for most of us. Even though sadness is in fact one of the most natural and common human emotions, it seems we are not all that keen to admit to it.
Just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about the debilitating effects of feeling depressed. I’m talking about ordinary little ol’ sadness.
OK, who really wants to revisit that ‘thing’ that made us feel sad in the first place? No-one!
And, do we want to risk being ‘stuck’ in sadness, or worse, depression? Absolutely not!
The thing is, sadness is a genuinely appropriate response to certain events in our lives. ALL OUR LIVES.
The death of someone close to us, a broken relationship, missing out on a job we really wanted, seeing our beautiful kids struggle to navigate their way through life. And now we can add having to go back into lockdown for who knows how long. Now that’s sad.
Wouldn’t it appear quite strange if someone didn’t feel sad about an adverse or negative experience?
Is it fear which prevents us from being as open to just sitting in sadness? What would happen if we faced it, accepted it and really felt it? Would we cry? Well, I know that I probably would more often than not, and I have to say it’s a wonderful release. Is it fear of being labelled? Have you ever noticed people around you trying to cheer you up and get you ‘out of sadness’? Do we feel pressured to move on and not dwell on what makes us sad?
I’ve been thinking about this and I remember some times in my life when I felt pressured to move out of my sadness or grief just to make the people around me feel better and stop worrying about me.
Don’t get me wrong, I have always appreciated the love and concern of people in my life, and I do not want a pity party (well, most of the time!), but just acknowledgement of what I’m feeling and the comfort of knowing that when I’m ready to talk about it, someone is there and can listen.
Can you relate to that?
What are we risking by not acknowledging and facing our sadness? I believe for one thing, all we are doing in that case is pushing it down, only for it to rear its head further down the track when something happens and triggers it. As well as that, we are most likely pulling away from the people who care about us, causing them great concern about your wellbeing and isolating ourselves. We are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to share and connect with someone who cares about us and really free ourselves from the pain by discussing and releasing it.
There is also another vital thing we are risking. Our children’s sense of self and wellbeing. They are watching how we interact with/ respond to life events. Teaching our kids that sadness is not ok or a natural and common emotion will surely encourage them to keep their feelings to themselves and cause all sorts pain for them.
Let’s not forget one other really important thing; balance.
Darkness and light, bad and good, hard and soft, sadness and happiness. How can we have happiness and truly appreciate it without experiencing some sadness along the journey?
I don’t think we need to ‘cure’ sadness. Life is not a straight line. That’s flatlining. Life is full of highs and lows. That’s what makes it amazing and what makes us who we are too.
If I were to be asked to ‘prescribe’ something for sadness…..
Grab a box of tissues, someone you trust and share with them. Or, if that’s not your thing, find what works for you. A walk on the beach. Sitting in silence. Whatever it is that you need. Don’t be afraid of your sadness. Feel it, embrace it! Think of the joy you will feel coming out the other side.
I am here and I care. Call me anytime for a chat 0412 599 470.
If this is your first visit to my Blogs, I invite you to please explore my previous Blogs. Check out “Is there a rock bottom for a child”. It’s quite relevant now.
From my heart to yours, much love.
Stay well and care for each other.
Thanks for joining me in this Blog. Until next time……….
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This piece is written with the intention of helping parents create happier and more resilient children and is subject to copyright. Please contact the author if you wish to publish elsewhere.